STM · The Permanent Timeline

The Centuries, Considered

A confident, chronological account of every era the Institute has visited, indexed, and refused to apologise for.

  1. 1348 · Medieval Europe

    STM-1348

    “PLAGUE DOCTOR WARNS: DO NOT SNEEZE DIRECTLY INTO THE KING”

    Royal physicians publish a new ordinance after a chamberlain's untimely expulsion at court.

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  2. 1776 · Revolutionary America

    STM-1776

    “COLONISTS DUMP 342 CRATES OF MEDICINAL TISSUES INTO BOSTON HARBOR”

    Patriots cite the unjust Tissue Tax of 1774. King George reportedly 'sniffles indignantly.'

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  3. 1894 · Victorian London

    STM-1894

    “SOCIETY SHOCKED BY UNCHAPERONED PUBLIC BLOWING OF NOSE”

    Lady B—— is asked to leave the opera after a single, audible incident at the second interval.

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  4. 1957 · Atomic Suburbia

    STM-1957

    “NEW HOME HUMIDIFIER PROMISES TO PROTECT FAMILY FROM 'DRYNESS COMMUNISM'”

    The Atomic Comfort Council recommends a minimum nasal humidity of 47%.

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  5. 1987 · Mall Culture

    STM-1987

    “MYSTERY GOOP DISCOVERED OUTSIDE SAM GOODY”

    Mall security cordons off the food court fountain pending further consideration.

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  6. 1999 · Y2K

    STM-1999

    “EXPERTS FEAR COMPUTERS MAY MISREAD SNEEZES AFTER MIDNIGHT”

    A government panel cannot rule out the possibility of 'nostril rollover.'

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  7. 2037 · Near Future

    STM-2037

    “SMART NOSE PATCH LEAKS USERS' CONGESTION DATA TO ADVERTISERS”

    Affected subscribers receive personalized ads for tissues, anti-tissues, and 'tissue-adjacent experiences.'

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  8. 3026 · Deep Future

    STM-3026

    “MARS COLONY DECLARES FIRST INTERPLANETARY SNEEZE EMERGENCY”

    A drifting mucus cloud breaches Sector G life support. Alien diplomats request a formal apology.

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